## Monday’s Math Puzzle

-Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?

-Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun.

-What did algebra math book say to the other?

-Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!

– How do you know that your dentist studied algebra?

– She said all that candy gave me exponential decay.

Teacher: Why didn’t you do your math homework?

George: It committed suicide because it had too many ex’s.

Why are you so negative?

-Just take me for my absolute value!

-Teacher: Why did your mother and father do your algebra homework?

-George: They really understand parent functions.

Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention here?

Student: Sure, I am paying as little attention as I can.

Happy Monday, wherever you are! 🙂

## Thursday’s Math Puzzle

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
“Why?” asks the father.
“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ and I said ‘6’”
“But that’s right!”
“Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?'”
“What’s the fucking difference?”
“That’s exactly what I said!”

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, “if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?”

“Somebody else’s pants.”

The teacher came up with a good problem. “Suppose,” she asked the second-graders, “there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?”
“None,” answered little Norman.
“None? Norman, you don’t know your arithmetic.”
“Teacher, you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!”

Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the earth is round?
Milton: I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.

Happy Thursday, wherever you are! 🙂

## Tuesday’s Math Puzzle

Teacher: Suppose, I give you 2 dogs. Then I again give you 2 dogs. How many will you have?
George: 5
Teacher: How?
George: I have a dog in my house now.

The maths teacher asked Little Billy “If you have £20 and I ask you for £10 as a
loan, how many pounds would you still have?”.
“Twenty” came the reply.
“How so?” enquired the teacher.
“Just because you ask me to loan you £10, it doesn’t mean I am going to”.

A schoolteacher sent a letter to all parents after day one of the new term which said “If you can promise that you will not believe all that your child says goes on at school, I will promise you that I won’t believe all that your child says goes on at home”.

A young boy was teaching mathematics to a young girl, saying that this was his good deed. He kissed her; he then kissed her again; he kissed her a third time adding “There, thats addition”. She silently gave him the kisses back sweetly saying ” So that will be
subtraction?”. They then kissed each other at the same time. Both smiled and said together ” That’s multiplication.” Just at that moment, the young girls father arrived. He kicked him for two blocks exclaiming “That’s long division”.

Teacher: If your father and mother both give you 50\$, what you will get?
George: A new video game.

Happy Tuesday, wherever you are! 🙂

## Wednesday’s Math Puzzle

What is a math teacher’s favourite sum?
-Summer!

Teacher: George, you know you can’t sleep in my class!
George:I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.

George: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test!
Teacher: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you!

Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of
George: Life imprisonment!

-What do you call a teacher without students?
-Broke…oh wait, that’s a regular teacher

Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection?
George: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!

Kid comes home from 1st day at school. Mum asks, ‘What did you learn today?’ Kid replies, ‘Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.’

Teacher: You copied from Fred’s exam paper didn’t you ?
George: How did you know ?
Teacher: Fred’s paper says “I don’t know” and you have put “Me, neither”!

Happy Wednesday, wherever you are! 🙂

## Monday’s Math Puzzle

What happens when you put a root beer in a square glass?

-It just becomes beer.

***

-What is the chemical formula for water?
-“HIJKLMNO”!!
– What are you talking about?
-Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

Teacher: Stephan, go to the map and find North America.
Stephan: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class : Stephan!

Teacher: George, name one important thing we have today but we didn’t have it 10 years ago.
George: Me!

Teacher: Why are you late?
George: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
George: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

Happy Monday, wherever you are! 🙂

## Monday’s Math Puzzle

“That awkward moment when you finish a math problem and your answer isn’t even one of the choices.” – Ritu Ghatourey

“If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will.” – Paul Harvey

Happy Monday, wherever you are! 🙂

## A,B,C of Maths

A big circle dared each form,
gentle handling in jets’ knowledge,
leveling more numbers of pattern,
quizzing ratio since the union’s values
welcomed x-rays yelling zero.

@Simona Prilogan, 14/01/2018, Nottingham

## Wednesday’s Math Puzzle

“Mathematicians are [like] a sort of Frenchmen; if you talk to them, they translate it  into their own language, and then it is immediately something quite different.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 – 1832, German novelist, dramatist,
poet, humanist, and philosopher)

“It is easier to square the circle than to get round a mathematician.” – Augustus De Morgan (1806 – 1871, British mathematician and logician)

Happy Wednesday, wherever you are! 🙂

## Tuesday’s Math Puzzle

-Why was the math book sad?

– Because it had so many problems.

***

-Why do plants hate math?

-Because it gives them square roots.

***

-Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
-Because it was over 90 degrees

Happy Tuesday, wherever you are!  🙂

## Salutări din Cotidian – La mulți ani!

La sfârşitul anului scolar Bulă îi spune mamei sale: “Mamă, eşti o femeie tare norocoasă!” Maică-sa îl întreabă: “De ce, fiule?”  Bulă îi răspunde: “Nu trebuie să-mi mai cumperi alte cărţi anul acesta că am rămas tot în aceeaşi clasă!”

Bulă  era beat, noaptea, pe strada Victoriei. La un moment dat se opreşte în faţa Guvernului. Vine la el un poliţist: “Circulaţi, nu aveţi voie să staţionaţi.” “Dar de ce, domnule poliţist?” “Deoarece este sediul Guvernului.”  “Şi ce dacă? Eu am bani să cumpăr toţi parlamentarii, senatorii şi miniştrii!”  Apare şi nevasta lui Bulă: “Scuzaţi-l, domnule poliţist, aşa face la beţie. Cumpără toate prostiile!”

Un tip ajunge la urgență cu soacra, grav rănită la un picior.
Doctorul îl întreabă:
– Ce s-a întâmplat ?
– A fost împușcată.
– Ați putea să fiți mai precis?
– Da, dar știți, e prima dată când trag cu arma, data viitoare voi fi mai precis, promit!

La facultate, începuse ora de vreo 15 minute când intră o colegă de clasă, un pic ciufulită, cu ochii semiînchiși și un mers nu prea sigur.…se vedea că avusese o noapte furtunoasă, săraca.
Desigur, profesorul indignat de o asemenea apariție, apropo, era destul de dur și avea în jur de 40 de ani, i se adresează:
– Domnișoară, de ce ai întârziat?
Și, în loc de bine cunoscutele răspunsuri „Mă scuzați am venit de la țară” sau „Mi-a murit bunica”, ori alt răspuns banal folosit de studenți, ea, îl țintuiește cu o privire puțin tulbură, zâmbește dulce și trântește explicatia:
– Dragule, de ce nu m-ai trezit și pe mine când ai plecat?

Nevasta unui miliardar se interesează la doctorul care urma să-i opereze soţul:
– Mai există speranţe, domnule doctor?
– Depinde ce anume speraţi….!

Sursa imagini si texte: Google

Un An Nou plin de pace și bucurie, oriunde vă aflați! La mulți ani!  🙂