This topic is quite hot around us because of the nature of our relationship. A woman from Europe married a man from Asia. But our marriage is not a cliche, and I would not discuss my intimate reasons for loving someone or explain my intimate feelings to anybody.
We discussed and over discussed already with our family and our friends in thousands way about our sadness and struggle with family reunion. And they all know the real reason: the Home Office interview and refusal letter, which all have been the worst experience ever for me and my husband. A refusal letter which enclosed a lot of strange conclusions.
I still have questions over about what happened, I still feel emotionally abused, as I have been experienced a very rude conversation from officer, but could not find any support. I tried to name all this but could not decide yet: bullying, racism, intimidation. Or all together. Cause when it comes about my feelings, this is what I really feel.
Somebody said to not take it personally… Sorry, but how should I take it? The lady officer spoke with my person, asked me in a shouting manner why I do not bring my husband in Romania. And pointed out very loud that I can not have other kids! Ops!!! How she knows that, by the way? I even did not try, so I can not pronounce ether, so, how she knows that? But over all: is not her problem if I would have kids or not, honestly. What do you think? How should I name this?
I polite stated that I live and work honestly in UK, pay my taxes, pay my rented flat in Nottingham on my own and I can not bring my husband in Romania. Otherwise Romanian authorities explained me clear that the husband should join the wife in the country where she is living. But the officer’s answer was a strong shout: “So what if you live in UK? You are still Romanian!” Professional answer? Still asking myself.
How much the diplomacy would extend what to say and what not?
This would be a very polite statement, a sad crying out. I know that many others would say that I am still not in the worst situation. I know… I have been speaking with some of them. My sincerely prayers are with them, as I walk in the same shoes and understand all the suffering they have to face it.
I would state that I am a beautiful and smart woman… Please, do not laugh. Ignore my “modesty”. I have 2 great professions: Nurse and Radiographer. I AM ABLE TO GAIN MY WAGE! I do not need to sell myself, to sell my liberty or my dignity for an arranged marriage, in order to get £10000, as per gossip referals. Even if I would not have my professions, I would not fancy anyway an arranged marriage. I am a free spirit. You can not tell me what to love, what to feel, what to live! I pay attention on my own for my life!
Coming back to my relationship: nobody pays to nobody. The only payment is about paying attention to each other. We love and support each other in a very deep way, in a way which I do not have to explain to the world.
In a polite manner, my statement would high light some points too.
If a husband who lives apart, is renting a flat/ house, is absolutely normal to give the new address to the spouse. It’s unusual to affirm that can not be true relationship because the wife asked for the new address from the rented house.
If the wife is asked about the professional background of her husband and knows all the teaching history but can not spell the name of the University because the University has an unusual name for her, doesn’t mean the wife did not know at all that the husband got a Bachelor degree in Maths or has been teacher for a while. It’s unusual again to affirm that is not true relationship because the wife did not know about the background, as long as she gave the answer.
If the wife haven’t been even asked a question, is unusual too to affirm that she gave a wrong answer.
In a very polite manner I would state too that me and my husband would not give up in our love, even the borders are between, we will make it one day. We know the human rights are beside us, but somewhere somebody lost something. I would take it personally at the all times, however everything happens. Because is about my life, my family, my love. I am a peacefully person, working honestly, living in a worth way my path. But I still thicken the ranks of those suffering from being apart from loved ones.